I had  the worst thing in the world that could happen to someone happen to me. I  almost died and then came back. I spose' you could say that a good  thing happened but the way it happened and then coming back was so  painful. It all began when I was born. I wanted to write a book ‘Because  I Was Born’ facetiously but it turned into ‘When I Woke Up’. My mom was a  prostitute for the police. I say prostitute because there were money  and gifts piling up and my dad would ask where it was coming from; she  would say they were gifts given to her. And there were cop cars coming  and going from our driveway. I would hear the sounds of them as they  were in bed, my father’s bed while he was at work. The noises that a  grown-up would make that I was hearing tied to the cellar steps that  would make me sick for a long time, tied to our unfinished cellar steps  most of the time as the dog would get over excited at the noise of sex  as I would lose parts of my ear from his gnawing teeth. My mother had always been able to roll this off; she was with the finest of course.

It  turned into me being followed and watched. Watched was a word I was to  learn it’s meaning. I was always told not to say anything and the  repercussions ahead of time were completely intolerable as an adult  never mind as a child.

I guess some zealous came from it  all from me being used as one of their children to get in where I was  the one conceived by my dad to stop the fleeing into the glamorous  up scaled life of a fine woman and that is why one client or two made it a  personal vendetta to make sure my mouth was shut. Into my adulthood. I  could only date those approved which never led me down a road I wanted  to go. Please read my book ‘When I Woke Up’ to see more of what was done  to me in my life as a result.

I wrote a rendition of  the so-called non-fictional conspiracy of crime that was seen by me  (supposedly while I was on drugs that they were giving me) through my  abusers that I met or were sent to me in my adult life, ‘Black Sheep  Never Cry: Dedicated to the Memory of JFK, Jr.' I dedicated the book to  John because one of the main abusers thought I had something to do with  him and felt adamantly he had to know when we would connect through a  cut in phone conversation with his friends as my phones had been tapped into. I had been doing some commercials and extra work  in NY prior. And so this is the other side of the deeper part of the  underworld of crime as I don’t know it. To John, I hope I was able to  clear your name in some way. Rest in peace in heaven and to the  hopefulness of non-suffering of Caroline Kennedy that I hope will  happen in her life. I’m sure her brother misses her and with the impact  of what she has had to carry, it is a heavy one. And without being able  to connect to him before he went down we all will never know what really  happened to him. I hope I’ve been able to clear some things up for her.  through the public with my stories I have talked of.

Both  books will be out this year from Publish America.I don't make much  money from these books. It feels good to tell my story and have it out  there for those who can benefit from it.

Lori Finnila

Survivor of permanent brain injury due to violence.

http://prosperandgrow.org