- Posted October 15, 2012 by
Intimacy or lack thereof - A message that hopefully helps avoid another Amanda Todd
A young woman, her emotions involved on one level and her vanity on another is being taunted and seduced by the candy coated words of a stranger she has never met, online. The attention she is receiving makes her feel appreciated, special and beautiful. She feels as if she has the control in that moment. She feels desired. She gives in, and bares all for the camera in a moment she believes is just between her and the admirer she wishes to please.
Virtual relationships, cyber sex, virtual affairs and anonymous indiscretions. It is possibly the ultimate freedom for man and woman alike.
In the case of the women there is no risk of pregnancy. There is no visible risk to her existing relationship in which she feels ignored. It is harmless fun in which she can be gawked at, admired, and fawned over. How much of an ego boost must that be? There is no harm in falling in love with a virtual stranger; it’s the same as falling in love with a character in a romance novel. It is after all safe, right? No one will ever know the real “her” only the portion she chooses to share online.
In the case of the male, able to live out his fantasies without the ego damaging “no” so often heard in the real world it is a chance to explore his needs. It is a chance to make a connection that isn’t breaking any rules of society because she isn’t real. She doesn’t count. He can date her for months or years with no intention of her ever being more than pixels on a screen with no ill effects for his real world relationships. In the words of the song by Brad Paisley, he is so much cooler online.
The reality is that at the end of the night we are all real people. The safety of the keyboard and anonymity is false and misleading. The reality is that memory is chemical, and at the end of the night there is no difference in chemical memory that which was learned in the real world or the virtual setting. There is a false expectation that it is easier to protect your core self online because you are untouchable.
Yes ladies, it is true. You can’t get pregnant or contract an STD during a cyber relationship. The reality is however that your emotions are much more involved then you might at first believe. The emotional damage that you can inflict on yourself is far worse in this writer’s humble opinion than anything that you would inflict on yourself in person. In person, there are restraints built into our societal makeup. There are emergency breaks in the headlong flight into passion.
Guys, I hate to be the one to break this to you. She is real. She may not be the beautiful, nubile and athletic young woman you think you are talking to but she is most definitely real and because of that fact she is deserving of respect. There is a saying online, MMORPG which is an acronym for Massive Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game. A lesser known version would be Many Men Online Role Playing Girls.
Just because you aren’t having a real, physical relationship with her does not mean she is a blowup doll made for your pleasure. Although, I suppose that is a bad analogy considering that many women get treated just as that type of mild entertainment in person as well as online. Hearing someone say “sex, is just sex.” is ridiculous. There is a huge amount of bonding that takes place during intercourse, even with virtual intercourse.
Visual and auditory stimulation, coupled with self gratification nets the same end result as “the real thing” and whatever value that you put upon it. It is never, just sex. Maybe she will say that it is to you, and maybe she might believe that at the moment. The reality is that we just aren’t wired that way.
At heart, people can be pretty selfish. If there is no person on the other end than there is no wrong being done right? When you take away the personhood of someone else and create this image of just a tool of self gratification you demean them but you also degrade yourself.