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  • Approved for CNN

  • Click to view cynthiafalar's profile
    Posted January 13, 2013 by
    Vero Beach, Florida
    This iReport is part of an assignment:
    Photo challenge: Recreate your dream

    More from cynthiafalar

    Pushing the Brick Wall


    CNN PRODUCER NOTE     cynthiafalar's dream photo was featured on the January 2013 "iReport for CNN" program on CNN International.
    - dsashin, CNN iReport producer

    The dream is always the same. The brick wall is in my way. I am pushing hard with all my might. I have a full schedule and a pile of deadlines. The brick wall is blocking my view!


    I am permanently dressed the same. I have on a black dress, high heels, pearls and a watch that will not stop ticking.


    What I carry does vary. Sometimes I have a file that is bursting and a long “to-do” list. Other times I have my son on my back. The sensation that weight is on my back and shoulders is always present. I also feel my jaw clench as if I am gnashing my teeth. I am advocate who will stop at nothing to push through brick and mortar. Make no mistake – don’t get in my way because I will plow right over you!


    My stance is always positioned in such a way that I am indomitable. Nothing will stop me from pushing through that brick barricade. Aggression does define the effort; however, I never sense it is towards a person. Rather, my focus is always on the unknown. I sense it is something that I can’t control or visualize.


    I have had this dream on and off again for more than twenty years. Sometimes it varies a bit. If I am not pushing then the brick walls press in towards me. But the feeling I have when I wake and recall it is continuously the same: overwhelmed, tired and not sure how I am going to get through.


    My husband, family and friends know of the dream too. I do believe that discussing it brings perspective and support.


    I am a fiercely determined person. I often feel like I am alone on my quest in my various roles. The reality is that I am a bit of a perfectionist. I have plenty of people in my life who support me.


    I do carry a lot on my plate. The choice is mine. Truthfully, I am happiest when I am busy. Despite my passion for my personal and professional life, sometimes, it can be overwhelming.


    The dream is a “wake up call” that I need to utilize those support systems. Typically, when I find a release for the angst through exercise and prayer, the dreams subside.


    For me, the brick wall dream is a reminder that I need to refocus and redirect my energies.


    A note about the photograph… husband took the photos with an iPad.

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