- Posted January 20, 2013 by
Asheville, North Carolina
This iReport is part of an assignment:
Why I agree with raising my children without God
My separation from God came soon after this. I had no desire to go to church when I had seen such hypocrisy in the church I grew up in. I should mention that when I was 14 my mother found out about the abuse and she went to our pastor for advice. He decided that it was best handled within the church and she should not involve the police. He had to go to some church counseling but I did not. My mother actually decided to stay with him because she thought it was God’s will. My mother and father never questioned the authority of any church leader.
When I left home I felt like I couldn’t leave fast enough. I didn’t think about pressing charges or about the eventuality of my father hurting another child. Twenty-one years later that is exactly what happened. He was found to have molested my sweet, six year old niece. He denied it, of course and said it was a misunderstanding. He is in prison now. He will be released later this year. My mother finally decided to divorce him. His entire family knows now who he is and what he has done. There is not a day that goes by when I don’t wonder why I didn’t put a stop to it. I have no idea who else he molested. I’m sure he didn’t stop for twenty-two years though.
My questions through the years were: why didn’t God stop him? Why would he let such terrible things happen to a child? Now I am 40 years old. My husband was diagnosed with stage 4 bone cancer three years ago. He was given 6 months to live at the time. Why would God allow such a good man with three sons to suffer so greatly? I don’t have these answers but I have decided that in fact- there must not be a God. If there is a God, he sucks and isn’t at all helpful. My mother continues to pray for my family. Every time I talk to her she mentions this. I wonder- if prayer is so powerful, why hasn’t my husband been healed? There are certainly plenty of people out there praying for him. He is an atheist too, by the way.
My children know about God. We discuss it openly and without prejudice. I want my children to make their own decisions about God. We discuss everything openly. I don’t keep secrets like my former family did. I think that each person should make their own decisions about God and an afterlife. I would never try to change a person’s beliefs. I just ask that they don’t try to change mine.