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  • Click to view VanessaCH7's profile
    Posted February 6, 2013 by
    United Kingdom
    This iReport is part of an assignment:
    Have you had an abortion?

    Abortion is a crime!!!


    I am 22 years old woman and I am studying at the university. Just to be clear, I am not coming from the USA and I don’t live there. I just want to write my story and let other women understand how hard is to have an abortion and how my life has changed.
    I have created a relationship with a person I met at university and at the second year of my studies, I discovered that I was 2 months pregnant. I was shocked and I felt weird because I was not expecting that, I was surprised.
    However, it was a great feeling. I felt like every single woman who just realizes her pregnancy. I was looking my body in the mirror and imagine myself with a greater tummy. I always wanted to be a mum.
    Then, I was thinking what i have to do know? How I will grow up my baby? I don’t have a job, I am a student. When I discuss it with the father of my baby, he was shocked. He didn't expect that either, but he was trying to support me. I could understand him, he was anxious, he was feeling guilty. We discussed and we were trying to think what we are going to do now. However, I realized that he didn't want that baby. He was thinking his studies and some personal problems he is facing. I was feeling that I don't have any support. I could see clearly that I will not be with him in the future. We are so different people, but I loved the baby.
    I was under pressure for 3 weeks until I decided to have the abortion. I was not able to take care of the baby now; I can't do it without support. I was trying to find the best solution for my baby. I know that my actions are not the best for my baby, but I was trying to find a way to grow up my baby alone when the baby would come. I was hoping that I can do something to save my baby, individually, and I was trying to avoid abortion, I never wanted to have an abortion. When, I visited my doctor he confirmed me my pregnancy and saw me so happy when he showed me my baby on ultrasound. I discuss with him my situation and I told him that I was thinking to have an abortion and that it was the only choice I had, but I didn't want to do it. Then he explain to me what is happening when a woman have an abortion. He could see the doubt for the adoption in my eyes, he understand that was not my choice.
    Since I decided to have the abortion, I have lost my sleep at night. It is so hard to take that decision. I was awake every night, in my bed, and I was crying. I was touching my tummy and talked to my baby saying 'sorry' and 'I love you'. I still regret for having abortion and I still can't sleep at night. I can't forget what I have done to my baby and I repent. I hate myself for my decision, but I can't bring my baby back. I still feel it in my tummy and I wish this is real, but I know it is not real. Almost every day comes to my mind the day of the abortion and I remember that I went to the hospital and I was feeling my baby inside me, and after the abortion I woke up and I was feeling nothing in my tummy, I was feeling empty. It was the worst thing I have ever felt in my life. I cannot explain how I felt, after the surgery, in single words. I never want to do that again, and I will not. I still crying for my baby, but I know I have to move on; I don't have any other choice. I am trying to fulfill my timetable, so I will not have enough free time to think and do nothing else than crying and repenting. Abortion has changed my life forever; I am not the same person and I will never be again.

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