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    Posted February 7, 2013 by
    Baghdad, Iraq

    My Trailer in Baghdad

    Federal Civilian Servants Serve in war alongside the military. We perform some of the same missions as the military. We also suffer the same wounds. Most of us are veterans of earlier campaigns when we were in the military. Now as veterans and Federal civilian servants we still serve in a combat environment. We can’t stay away for some reason……. Maybe it is the Marine blood in my body or the other guys Army blood in his veins, we just can’t stay away. We are drawn to the fight when our country goes to war. It’s not all about the money. The money is good but it is not worth dying for. We leave our families and jobs and head back to some of the worst real estate on earth. The place is dirty and cold. Yes it is filthy and trash is everywhere. It is not like at home where we have regular trash service. Here it is either burned or taken some place else so you don’t see it. But most of the trash sits right where it was dumped a few years ago. It is crazy to see piles of trash and burned out trailers across the street from our embassy. No one cares and I mean no one.

    On my first and second tours here in Iraq I slept in a trailer just behind the embassy. Just a few yards from the pool. It was real beautiful. I never go to use that pool. Just never had the time. We worked most every day of the year and I would feel guilty utilizing it while someone was fighting a war……

    The worst part about sleeping in my trailer is that it was in the direct path of all those MEDEVAC helicopters taking casualties to the CASH. The CSH (Comabt Support Hospital) which was across the street from the embassy and down a few blocks. Yes, every night and all night long those Medevac helicopters flew right over my trailer. I didn’t think about the first few months as I was working 18 to 20 hour days. I was just to dam tired to do anything but eat, sleep and work. But as time went on and I paid more and more trips to the CASH I started to let it get to me. I started having to drink 2 beers and take a sleeping pill to get to sleep. It was worse after a dangerous mission. We were on edge the entire mission and we were unable to relax at all. Every night as I tried to sleep I thought about all those helicopters carrying casualties over my trailer every night. Every night and all night long those helicopters came. They never stopped. They only time the helicopters stopped was when I went to sleep due to the alcohol and drugs.

    I still think about all those casualties that flew right above my trailer. There must have been at least 10,000. I didn’t count them but like I said they came over my trailer every night and all night long. It still gets tome anytime I hear those Blackhawks coming in low and fast. Now I am back in Baghdad on my third tour. It is a real weird. No Blackhawk MEDEVACS. It is still hard to sleep due to the environment and all the bad conditions here. But I wonder what happened to all those casualties that flew over my trailer in 2005 and 2006. What happened to all those wounded veterans? Here they as screwed up as me? I couldn’t sleep for 2 or 3 years without medication. I drank too much all the time. I took a medical retirement. I was al messed up for 3 years. I still feel bad for all those vets that flew over me. I wish I could help everyone of them. They are my brothers you see. For I am a 100% service disabled veteran from my service in 1975-1981. There was no war then but we did missions you will never hear about. We just can’t say anything. Oh ya, we went to Iran and Africa and some other places you saw in the press. But it is those places you never knew or heard about in which we made no mistakes. That is where I got my disability. I went to Iraq in 2005-2006 as a Federal Law Enforcement Officer. I managed most of the support for the Saddam Hussein trial along with some fellow super professional people in DOJ. We got the mission done you will never hear about. We did a great job and stayed out of the lime light. Bet you never heard of the DOJ Regime Crimes Liaisons Office (RCLO). We did a dam good job.

    It is late at night again here in Baghdad and of course I can’t sleep. Yes, even now in 2013 I still think about those birds flying over my trailer every night all night long. It stays in the back of my mind. It will never fade and I don’t want it to. As long as I remember I will do the best I can for my fellow vets. I owe them at least my best.

    I am seeing some good changes here in Iraq. I only hope the tribal fighting will stop soon so the children can get back to being children. We owe the children at least the chance to be children. I had mine and they must have their childhood.

    From an old tired American, Federal Civilian Servant (retired) somewhere in Iraq again.

    P.S. in 2011 when I was goofing off I spent 9 months in Kabul, Afghanistan.
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