- Posted February 7, 2013 by
This iReport is part of an assignment:
Have you had an abortion?
I Was Only A Child...
It is a decade later and I am a mother of 4 now, all unplanned, and I can honestly say I do not regret a single second of my children's lives, inside or outside the womb. I am only sorry I didn't understand sooner that the gift of being a mother came not through being financially prepared for a baby, or through planning the perfect time to fit a child into the life I wanted, but through finding the ability to put the life and needs of another person ahead of my own. It breaks my heart that our world gives us, gives children, the *choice* over life and death of our unborn children and they tell us it is OK. We have guilt and regret for a reason; we are doing something unnatural, inhuman.
I do not think that having an abortion makes someone a terrible person. I don't think I am a terrible person. Just a naïve and selfish one. Yes, I was once naïve and selfish; I was a child.
I was naïve to think that by getting rid of the "problem" everything would be OK. It's not. It never will be. I was naïve because I was so willing to believe what the world was telling me. I believed that it is my body and I have a right to do what I want with it. I believed that this wasn't really a baby but more like a part of my body that I had control over. I believed that graduating high school and college and getting a good paying job for myself would make me happy and that making myself happy was the most important thing to consider. I believed that I couldn't attain that happiness if I went through pregnancy and had a baby. I believed all these lies; I was a child.
I was selfish because I thought I had a right to life more than my own children. I was selfish because I never considered the fathers' feelings. Not even for a second. I was selfish because I didn't stop having sex after the first abortion knowing that birth control had failed me already. It was all about me. I was so selfish; I was a child.
I was a naïve and selfish child being told by my world that it was OK. No, more than OK. It was my right and it was the right thing to do. Only now I’m not so naïve and I am not so selfish and I regret what I’ve done.
I had an abortion, and I am sad about it. But I can't say that. That is something shameful. Something that must be kept hidden. Nobody wants to hear about it. We say abortion is OK. It is our right; But don't talk about it. We have cable television and radio shows talking about sex, drugs, birth, and everything in between; but never tell people you had an abortion. We speak of it being a fundamental right of women; but please, do all of us a favor and keep it to yourself.
Maybe we are afraid of having the truth exposed and being forced to face it. I know it's scary to face the truth when you have allowed yourself to believe the lies for so long. I was afraid. But the truth is more important than our fears.