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    Posted February 8, 2013 by
    Grand Rapids, Michigan
    This iReport is part of an assignment:
    Have you had an abortion?

    My choice

    When I was just barely 19 and newly engaged, I discovered I was pregnant. I was strongly pro-life and worked with youth at a church. My fiance and I were both active in our church. I was so so scared... I wanted to children! Lots of them! But getting pregnant before we got married meant that I couldn't really lead a bunch of kids to, do as I say, but not as I do. So I knew I would have to step down from the job I loved! I also knew that it would throw a serious kink into my wedding and honey moon plans!
    The day after we found out we were pregnant, my fiance and I met for lunch to figure out what we were going to do. We looked at the long road ahead of us as young parents, soon-to-be newly weds, and now job seekers... At the time, I couldn't see how we could handle all of that all at once. And the thought that I could sneak away one afternoon, 'get things taken care of', and get back to life as planned, seemed appealing.

    That thought was fleeting and sickening. How tempting, the 'easy out' seemed when you're scared and the future is uncertain! But I have never been one to shy away from a challenge or shrink in the face of adversity. So I looked my fiance in the eyes, with tears streaming down my face and said, "Let's do this!"

    Even after we knew abortion wasn't an option, I still wished secretly that I'd wake up one morning, that all of this was a bad dream. Then within 2wks of finding out I was pregnant, I was in a terrible car accident and totaled my car. The ambulance took me to the hospital and they did an ultrasound to check on my pregnancy.
    And there, right there on the screen in front of me, was my future. So so tiny! A tiny little bean of a baby. But unmistakable... How could I have ever wished her away? I sobbed and sobbed thinking that just that morning, I had really wished, even prayed that I would miscarry...

    It's been a little over 10years from that day. And my daughter is 9 1/2! She is amazing, beautiful, so smart, and her love is one of the most important things in my life.
    Yeah, it was hard. I did leave my job. And my fiance had to move out of town for a few months for a better paying job. We moved up our wedding date, so I could join him. That meant cutting out a lot of the big things I had planned and slimming down out honeymoon plans (Michigan's U.P. instead of Italy...) We struggled to make ends meet, lived in a basement, drove a $500 car, worked terrible part time jobs... And at times, I felt clueless and overwhelmed with parenthood. But all of that stretched me and made me grow into a better person and a better mother. We worked really hard! We learned how to pinch our pennies and turn lemons into lemonade.
    Now, we have 5 kids and just bought a little hobby farm!

    Would my life have been easier if I'd aborted Trinity? I don't think so... Sure, I could have had a fancier wedding, an Italian vacation, and a career. But to think of my life without her, brings me to the brink of tears.
    She is so creative and loving. She will change this world! It is a better place with her in it!
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