- Posted February 7, 2013 by
This iReport is part of an assignment:
Have you had an abortion?
Abortion took the life of my daugher and part of mine
Very soon I was told that I was too far along to have an easy abortion, that I would have to give them more money and spend the night. I had no more money and decided to go home to tell my parents “we were having a baby”. I was not given my money back, but I began to leave anyway. I was followed out to the parking lot by the woman with the lab coat and was told they had made a mistake, come back in and they would take care of my problem and I would be on my way in just an hour and never think about that day again. I followed her and had a first trimester abortion. A few weeks later I informed them I was still bleeding and it was quite heavy. No problem they told me, I was just starting my period and it would stop soon. They told me not to go to the hospital or tell my parents. I believed their lies again, and almost died. A week later I was in the hospital having surgery as I had had an incomplete abortion. My baby had been too big to go through the suction tubing and parts of my baby had been left inside of me. I had developed a serious infection, had to receive blood and almost had to have a hysterectomy. I was just 18 years old. I decided that this was to much for me to think about, so it would be best to never think about the abortion again. I was very good at doing that for 24 years, or so I though.
Immediately after the abortion, this quite, shy girl changed. I began to drink and take drugs on a regular basis, as well as having many unhealthy relationships with men. I was broken and thought the only thing that would fix me would be to have another baby, a baby to replace the baby I killed.
I was suffering from depression, anxiety, tremendous guilt, shame and sadness and psychological numbing. I was emotionally numb, became over protective of my children that I had after the abortion, and had an obsession with becoming pregnant again.
Finally after 24 years, 3 failed marriages, 2 children, a miscarriage and a dysfunctional life when I was 42 years old a friend told me about two abortions she had when she was in college and that it had greatly affected her life. I finally realized the root of my dysfunctions and sadness. I greatly missed my aborted baby and it had affected much of my adult life in many ways. I immediately began to tell her my story for the first time and my healing began immediately.
After going through a post abortion Bible study I began to facilitate that same study to others that had very similar problems as I had. I also began to hear other stories of incomplete abortions and came to realize that it was not extremely uncommon. I almost died, as had many, many other women. Abortion kills a baby, destroys a woman, causes dysfunction in men, can cause a woman to have difficulty having healthy relationships with our other children, and destroys families. Babies, women, men and families deserve better. It is time that the truth be give to women and men. I am here to give you the truth.