- Posted February 8, 2013 by
This iReport is part of an assignment:
Have you had an abortion?
Post Abortive - Conceived in Rape
While surrounded by a mother's love in the midst of pain and tragedy, Susan grew up without a father. Feeling the deep void of not knowing a father's love, she struggled with her identity at an early age. While being raised in the church, Susan lived a life of one foot in the church and one foot out.
Growing up in a conservative Central Missouri town, she sang in the church choir, went on mission trips, and was involved in the youth group. In high school, she participated on successful cross-country and track teams, joined the popular clubs, danced on the pom-pom squad, marched in the marching band, and associated herself with individuals who were going somewhere in life. With the help of student loans and grants, she was accepted into an elite, all-women's, liberal-arts college. She was elected president of her college freshman class, held several leadership positions within her sorority, and was employed by the college as a student ambassador—all the while masking her inner torment.
Concealing a life of poverty, struggling with school, and seeking the affection of a father, Susan also secretly traveled a road of seduction and lies. Following her own desires and interjecting herself into situations where she could manipulate her surroundings to find success, she learned to live life on the edge and filled her teen years with cigarettes, alcohol, other drugs, wild parties, and sexual relationships. Susan began dating a popular college student who was a pilot and soon found herself in an unfamiliar situation: she was pregnant.
Wanting to become a successful businesswoman one day, this "accident" did not fit into her plans. Buying into the liberal, pro-choice stance of "this is my body," "it is my choice," and "it is just tissue," she and her boyfriend aborted this secret pregnancy at an out-of-state clinic. She justified her actions by telling herself, This is what all the successful girls do who find themselves in this "unfortunate" situation. Internally, she was becoming entangled in snares of shame, guilt, disappointment, deception, hatred, and anger, both for herself and others.
After graduating college, Susan accepted a position in her field of interior design and moved to Tulsa where she continued to date the now successful pilot from a traditional Southern family. As her career was beginning to take off, Susan again learned she was pregnant by the same guy. She again chose a life with the promise of success over the weight of having a child. She aborted her second pregnancy, this time under strict seclusion in an unmarked high-security facility where she talked the staff into letting her have the abortion even though she was by herself and had no one to drive her home after the procedure. A short time later, her boyfriend, who supported the decision to get the abortion, grew abusive, verbally and physically. Susan ended the relationship.
As Susan moved up in the corporate world, her patterns of manipulation continued. She was offered a promotion with a nationally known retail powerhouse and was preparing to move to Dallas when she again discovered she was pregnant by another boyfriend she was dating. Although the father of the child wanted a long-term commitment that involved Susan and a family, she moved to Dallas, started a new job, terminated the pregnancy, and pushed him aside without breaking stride. She continued to bury the heartbreak, physical and emotional pain, and awareness of the lives she was taking, in the hopes of one day being successful.
Another unplanned pregnancy followed with a new partner from whom Susan kept secret her past abortions. Weighing the options, he suggested a hasty marriage, a secluded destination wedding, and keeping the baby. This time, Susan altered her plan of success to include conquering the corporate world while also becoming a Southern wife and mother.
After the arrival of their son, the couple moved to Atlanta where Susan's success continued to grow, both in terms of her career and their family. She and her husband welcomed a daughter. Now the picture-perfect family of four, complete with the big house, new cars, social club memberships, tennis leagues, and church and community service involvement, she appeared on the outside to have it all. On the inside, her marriage was failing, nothing ever seemed good enough, and she never felt like she reached her own definition of fulfillment. Within two years, she was divorced. Although she continued to climb the corporate ladder very successfully, demons from her past—the cigarettes, alcohol, other drugs, and destructive relationships—continued to dictate her future.
In 2007, after 35 years of wandering, pain, hardship, and trauma—the results of trying to satisfy self-driven needs, wants, and desires while hiding the truth—Susan was transformed instantly through a God-appointment where she received much needed prayer. With His amazing gifts of unconditional love, grace, and healing—which He offers freely to each one of us—God rewrote Susan's heart. The very sins she committed against Him, He washed away, releasing her from the guilt, shame, bitterness, and resentment in which she had been trapped, and inviting her to wholeness in Him, restoring the innocence she had lost at a young age.
In 2010, Susan was led to a Social Security office where she was given information she thought she would never receive: her father's identity. Within 48 hours, she met him. Shortly after this meeting, Susan's mother revealed to her the secret she had kept for 38 years: Susan had been conceived in rape. Due to the circumstances, her mother was going to give her up for adoption but at that last moment decided to keep Susan as her own. Seven months after meeting him, Susan's father died. Since the revelation of her father's identity and her mother's secret, Susan is thankful for the laws that were in place to protect lives like hers and remains humbled, knowing now even more fully her mother's love in choosing life for her.
Through God's grace, Susan is now able to share with others the experiences she had once kept hidden. Using these events Susan is able to minister to the hearts of many including those who have experienced abortion firsthand. She invites them to experience deliverance and freedom they may not think possible. These intimate struggles have become the basis for her personal ministry. It is her hope that in telling her very personal story she might save the lives of unborn babies as well as offering peace.
If you are pregnant and need help or have experienced abortion, there is help and healing for you - email@example.com