"Shut up and be quiet. You're upsetting other people in the recovery room." Those were the words spoken to me when I screamed, I want my baby! What did you do with my baby, after my abortion in 1986. I will never forget the pain, the guilt, the remorse and my unnaturally empty womb and arms . I thought they had taken her little body and put it in an incubator but I learned they had thrown her in the garbage. Those words condemned me to a silence of almost 19 years. I promised myself I would never speak about my abortion again. My child would have been 26 years old this May and I will never know her. A whole generation has been wiped out of my family. Would she have been married by now? How many grandchildren are missing in my life now? My abortion involved having my cervix painfully stretched over a 24 hour period so the abortionist could get the cannula into my uterus to suction and scrape the life out of my healthy child. I was told she was just a 'blob of tissue, a mass of cells' and that I would get over it. I was told it was a very short procedure with no complications. I was not told that I would suffer from depression or become an alcoholic. I was not told that I would consider suicide as a way to deal with my pain and I was not told that I would forever regret my decision to abort my child. Today, by the grace of God and the support of many life affirming fiends, I have been able to forgive myself and move forward. When I made the decision to tell my living children about my abortion, my youngest son replied, "I always knew I had a sister." I wish I had been told the truth. I wish I could go back to that day 27 years ago and choose life for my child and I wish they had been compltely honest with me.