- Posted February 10, 2013 by
This iReport is part of an assignment:
Have you had an abortion?
My Deepest Sadness
Tennessee, United States
My name is Anita, and at age 32, I was a lost soul searching for something or someone to fill the hole I had inside. I found myself involved with a married man who claimed to love me, but when I became pregnant he wanted me to have an abortion. I already had two children from my divorce and after talking to my own parents they told me I had to have an abortion also. I knew in my heart it wasn’t what I wanted, but being the people-pleaser I am, I made an appointment with Planned Parenthood for the abortion.
The day I walked into the clinic, there was only standing room. It was unbelievable. When they called me in for my blood work, the song by Faith Hill came on. “BREATH” was the title and it was my song with my boyfriend. I ran back out into the waiting room telling him that it was a sign, that I wasn’t supposed to have the abortion and he said to me. YOU HAVE TO! I went back inside and once finished with the blood work they sent me to the back for the medications that they give you before the abortion is started. The medicine doesn’t stop your pain, you feel everything and I believe GOD wants you to. As this doctor started, I started screaming and crying telling him I change my mind to stop, please stop. The doctor began yelling at me, to spread my legs; it was too late to stop. The more I begged, the louder he got. Weeping, I spread my legs and allowed them to continue to rip my baby out of me.
As they rolled me into recovery, there were other women there weeping as well. The doctor came in and leaned over me and asked if I understood why he was so hard on me and I said no. He went on to tell me how if he had stopped I would still have pieces of the baby in me and could get serious infections.
Afterward I became sad, depressed, numb inside. What had I done? Two weeks later I was bleeding profusely and had to go back to the clinic, after an ultra sound they seen a blood clot as big as a nine-week fetus and at that time, they performed a D&C which to me felt just like the abortion.
My life after this became a living hell. I stayed in a relationship with this married man for a total of seven years; turned to pills to numb my hurt and pain of what I had chosen to do. I was without God for a very long time and after finding my way back to him, (God) I have come to see that abortion is murder.
For such a long time, I thought it was the woman’s choice, but as I got into the Lord’s word more and more, I realize that nobody has the choice to take a life but God himself. Women are misled into believing that the act of abortion is as simple as having a pap smear or going to the dentist—but it is SO much more than that. You first and foremost take a life, a soul that was meant to be in this world, the world says it’s OK but after you have one. Your soul, your spirit becomes empty. You long for that child that you never gave a chance to be someone. It is sadness, a hole that never goes away. God will forgive you and heal you, but the scar will always lay dormant inside you. My prayer is that if I can help one baby be saved, one mother left un-scarred with my story, then telling my story will be worth it.