I found out I was pregnant at 10 weeks. I had been drinking and smoking. I was ashamed because I already had one child out of wedlock and was acting irresponsibly. I used my lifestyle to justify my abortion. I had to go to a larger city because I was almost 16 weeks. I was told that once they dilated my cervix, I could not change my mind. The only information I was given was a pamphlet that explained that most women described it as feeling like mild cramping and that they felt relieved afterward. I did not have the money for the anesthesia so I was awake. I remember the doctor had to leave in the middle of the day to deliver a baby and I sat there thinking I would give anything to be able to leave and have my baby. I knew there was no chance for that. I would see girls come out of a room crying as they were taken to the recovery area. When it was my turn, I was dreading it. I briefly saw the ultrasound as they quickly turned the monitor so I couldn't see it. I'll never forget seeing what I was about to let someone kill. When they did the procedure, the nurses had to hold me down to the table and the doctor was quite annoyed with me for feeling so much pain and crying. Then I went to the recovery room and received a shot and some tylenol(I think). There were girls crying and some were throwing up. They had us all in an open area. I went to wait for my ride and go get a script filled. I have never been the same. I will never forgive myself for allowing someone to kill my baby for profit. It's not about women's rights...it's about money! I know a few other women who have had abortions and they are still suffering as well. I am thinking about starting an abortion recovery group in my area. I still cry every time I think about it. No one ever told me I would feel this way!
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