- Posted February 10, 2013 by
This iReport is part of an assignment:
Have you had an abortion?
Where was the real help???
When society legalizes something it condones and advocates it as a right and responsibility. I felt as if it was my right and responsibility to have an abortion. I scheduled the saline abortion in another sate, NH, as it was illegal for me to get an abortion without parental permission in MA at that time. I got the money to pay cash for the procedure the day of. I regretted having the abortion as I was driving away from the clinic. I have regretted it for 26 years.
I accept and forgive what I have done. But I never forget it. I have named my dead baby. Having an abortion did not stop me from being a mother. It made me a mother of a dead baby. I was told it would be ok. There'd be a better time to have kids. There will never be another time to have that child. That one is gone. That one lived only the few weeks in the womb.
Where was the support for me to be really responsible and give birth to the child ? The baby hadn't chosen to be made. The child hadn't done anything deserving of being killed. Where was the encouragement for me to put the value of a life over the value of my sexual mis-behavior or my precious education? I had paid someone to kill my baby so that I didn't have to deal with the inconvenience of raising a child.
Where was the real help?
I ended up alone with guilt, shame, sorrow, depression, and alcohol abuse. I ended up dropping out of college, quitting my jobs, moving around a lot. I was not a liberated free woman with rights, I was a broken lonely woman of sorrow. The abortion changed me and my life forever.
Eventually, I ended up happily married with 6 children. I have received healing and forgiveness through the Church and the mighty God and holy person of Jesus Christ. I have been made whole. I now spend time talking to young women in crisis pregnancies and I share my experience with them. I offer them real help and support to take responsibility for the life they have helped create. I encourage them to allow the father to be involved. I listen, cry, pray, get supplies and gather support for them. I want to offer real help to real woman in real need. The only mistake that lasts a life time is a paying for a dead baby. Nothing can change that. Nothing can bring that back. Having a baby changes my life but there are choices of how to direct and deal with that. There are no more choices after I kill my baby. I was left alone to come to terms with what. There was no help offered for that part either. Now there are people who offer support and help for post abortive mothers and fathers. Real help for real pain. Real help for life.