- Posted February 11, 2013 by
This iReport is part of an assignment:
Have you had an abortion?
At age of 18, in a crisis pregnancy, I turned to an abortion center. I bought into the societal lie that abortion is a quick fix, makes life as though it never happened... Six months into a subsequent pregnancy, I experienced preterm delivery of a one pound baby girl who struggled to live. After 12 hours, my Natalie died. Oh, the emotional pain of losing this child knowing that a year prior, I had not given my first child a chance to fight for life! Later, I went into preterm birth and had a stillbirth of a baby boy, my Nathaniel. Even later, I went into preterm birth and had a stillbirth of my baby girl, Naomi. All three were funeralized and buried.
I was not told that abortion could cause damage to my cervix, causing it to be incompetent, causing miscarriages, preterm labors... I was not told that at my OB-GYN visits, I would have flashbacks of being on the table during my abortion experience. I was not told about the emotional sorrow that I would feel as the abortion anniversary date occured. I was never told that I would be overly protective of my living children, thinking that GOD would punish me for what I had done. For at least ten years following my abortion, I was a prisoner of a carefully guarded secret. I was a Christian wife and mother who knew that I was forgiven by GOD, but remained a hostage of guilt, shame, fear of being judged, condemned, and rejected.
On the outside I looked as though I had it all together, participating in church activities such as Women’s Groups, Choir, and Youth Groups. The truth was, on the inside, I struggled with an overwhelming sense of regret, pain, and un-forgiveness toward myself for making such a terrible choice.
What I thought would be a quick fix left me with life changing consequences...
I have experienced the awesome grace and love of GOD and have come to know HIS true character. I know that I am loved, forgiven, and accepted. The pain is not the same, although it will always be there to some degree... It is my passion, privilege, and purpose to share the healing that I have received with any and everyone who listens!