April 2001. I was 35 year old professional woman with 2 older children in the midst of my second divorce. I was in a sexual relationship with a new person. When we found out I was pregnant we had a fleeting moment of joy quickly followed by profound sadness. We immediately knew we had no choice but to terminate the pregnancy. He was going through a divorce he also had 2 children. This was going to be my third child with as many men. What would people say? How would we manage? How could I be such a screw up? What would my parents think? I had to act quickly, there was only a short period of time a medical abortion was possible. And I would never have a surgical abortion after all THAT IS murder, the baby in already developed, it's implanted. But a chemical abortion is just like a miscarriage not different than the birth control pills I had taken on and off during my life. It's not really a baby, just a ball of cells. So off to Planned Parenthood to get the medicine that would "cure" me...make my life right again. So I did what I had to so I could get this situation "fixed". I cried the whole time. I still cry every day. I killed my baby. I took medication that killed an innocent child. But I'm not in jail. It's legal. I flushed my baby down the toilet. I wish I could have been held to a higher standard. I wish I didn't believe that it was my "choice". I wish I didn't fall for the lies. The truth of abortion is that it is not healthcare. Abortion hurts women. It is a poison to our femininity, women have a life giving, nurturing nature that abortion denies and destroys. I married the father of that baby in 2004. We don't talk about the abortion. He had been by my side during the whole thing, crying. Abortion kills fatherhood and hurts men too. We've been unable to get pregnant again. I regret my abortion every minute of my life and it is a pain that will never leave me, alcohol and drugs won't kill it, volunteer work will never fill that void. I'm so sorry. Abortion isn't a choice it's a trap.
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