This iReport is part of an assignment:
Have you had an abortion?
About this iReport
- Posted February 12, 2013 by
- Speakforus5 Follow
Location
Jacksonville, Florida
Jacksonville, Florida
Assignment
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15 minutes back to Normal
I am sure most little girls dream of their Prince Charming, a beautiful Cinderella wedding gown, a house with a white picket fence. As a little girl I had that dream. In high school I thought I had that man, but College took that away. Oh yeah in school I took some drugs and drank to ease he pain of my first love leaving me. Thinking my Cinderella life is over, but I moved on.
Enters another guy years later, Yep got my Prince Charming, my wedding dress and Cinderella wedding!
1974 I found I was pregnant, 9 months later we had our first son, my world has totally changed for the better. I had what seemed to be a normal life. One year later I found out I was pregnant again, so happy, but my world came crashing down with the words "Pati we cannot afford to have another baby, talk to your doctor".I talked to my ob-gyn and he said"Pati it is nothing but a blood mass right now, you can just have an abortion and in 15 minutes you will be back to normal" That was my education on abortion. I had no clue what it was and what he was going to do.
So here I am sitting in the hospital waiting area with my husband, when they called my name, I got up looking at my husband saying with my eyes "Help me I am scared, what are they going to do? As I got into the room, I laid on the table, my body just shaking, cold, sweaty and tears just streaming down my face, but why? The doctor said I would be okay and in 15 I would be back to normal.
As the machine started, my heart started to feel so empty, but why? then the pain in my womb, the sound, the gurgling, the sucking sounds, the pulling, the tugging and then just a warm feeling dripping out of me. I said to myself, "Oh God, what is wrong? What is that warm feeling?" Then in a flash my doctor asked the nurse "did I get it all?" She said "yes". He left the room and the nurse told me that she would be right back. With both my legs still in the stir ups, my whole was shaking, then with both eyes covered in tears, I could see a small jar, so wiped away my tears, I saw a tubes hanging out of the jar and I saw blood and a little form it there. I said to myself "that must be the blood mass he was talking about". It wasn't till 28 years later I found out that was my son!
Rocketing into 1976, I found out I was pregnant again and in 1977 we had our second son. We were so happy to have another child in our lives. But when 1978 & 79 showed up so did 2 other pregnancy's. I had 2 more abortions. People ask me why did I go through 2 more abortions, I could not answer them, because I had no clue. I had medical problems with the second and third abortions, I was bleeding internally, I had to go back into the hospital twice. My doctor perforated my uterus while he was performing the abortions and left pieces in my uterus. It was so painful and I could not believe I had to endure this again, but that was only the physical part of the abortions. The mental part destroyed me as well. I was thinking my life is nothing but a lie, I did everything I could to cover up the stink in my life, with hard drugs, hard drinking, jumping from one job to the next, ways to kill myself and list goes on. The spiritual side was not even there yet.
From that moment my marriage started to break down, because every time I looked at my husband, it reminded me of what I went through.
The drugs got harder, the drinking got harder, but marriage got weaker, my 2 sons suffered in the middle of all of this. Listening to the fighting and yelling all the time. So after a few times of leaving him to "find myself" the fourth time I served him with divorce papers.
Our first son was around 5 years old and our second son was around 2 or so. During this time my husband got into the hard core biker life style, to ride and to drink his problems away.
Then the year 2000 saw me working at a Crisis Pregnancy Center, soon to realize the depth of my pain from my past abortions, covering it all up for almost 28 years.
I went through a post abortion recovery program where I received healing and restoration from my Heavenly Father. God was the biggest part of my healing!
Does abortion hurt women, YES, does abortion hurt men, YES, does abortion hurt my 2 sons, YES. They had 2 brothers and a sister they will never see, play with, have birthday parties with, ride a bike with, cry with, laugh with and yes even fight with.
To this date 2013, my husband and I are still happily married, this year we will be married 40 years!
I am so grateful for this platform to tell a little piece of my story. Thank you CNN for even asking for all our stories. Maybe with few of these women and men stories, you will see the impact abortions had on us, that is not only hurting the baby physically, but leaving deep scars on the life's of the mom's and dad's, siblings, grandparents, aunts and uncles left behind and generations of their families.
Mom Speak for us!!!! My children- I will !!!!!
Enters another guy years later, Yep got my Prince Charming, my wedding dress and Cinderella wedding!
1974 I found I was pregnant, 9 months later we had our first son, my world has totally changed for the better. I had what seemed to be a normal life. One year later I found out I was pregnant again, so happy, but my world came crashing down with the words "Pati we cannot afford to have another baby, talk to your doctor".I talked to my ob-gyn and he said"Pati it is nothing but a blood mass right now, you can just have an abortion and in 15 minutes you will be back to normal" That was my education on abortion. I had no clue what it was and what he was going to do.
So here I am sitting in the hospital waiting area with my husband, when they called my name, I got up looking at my husband saying with my eyes "Help me I am scared, what are they going to do? As I got into the room, I laid on the table, my body just shaking, cold, sweaty and tears just streaming down my face, but why? The doctor said I would be okay and in 15 I would be back to normal.
As the machine started, my heart started to feel so empty, but why? then the pain in my womb, the sound, the gurgling, the sucking sounds, the pulling, the tugging and then just a warm feeling dripping out of me. I said to myself, "Oh God, what is wrong? What is that warm feeling?" Then in a flash my doctor asked the nurse "did I get it all?" She said "yes". He left the room and the nurse told me that she would be right back. With both my legs still in the stir ups, my whole was shaking, then with both eyes covered in tears, I could see a small jar, so wiped away my tears, I saw a tubes hanging out of the jar and I saw blood and a little form it there. I said to myself "that must be the blood mass he was talking about". It wasn't till 28 years later I found out that was my son!
Rocketing into 1976, I found out I was pregnant again and in 1977 we had our second son. We were so happy to have another child in our lives. But when 1978 & 79 showed up so did 2 other pregnancy's. I had 2 more abortions. People ask me why did I go through 2 more abortions, I could not answer them, because I had no clue. I had medical problems with the second and third abortions, I was bleeding internally, I had to go back into the hospital twice. My doctor perforated my uterus while he was performing the abortions and left pieces in my uterus. It was so painful and I could not believe I had to endure this again, but that was only the physical part of the abortions. The mental part destroyed me as well. I was thinking my life is nothing but a lie, I did everything I could to cover up the stink in my life, with hard drugs, hard drinking, jumping from one job to the next, ways to kill myself and list goes on. The spiritual side was not even there yet.
From that moment my marriage started to break down, because every time I looked at my husband, it reminded me of what I went through.
The drugs got harder, the drinking got harder, but marriage got weaker, my 2 sons suffered in the middle of all of this. Listening to the fighting and yelling all the time. So after a few times of leaving him to "find myself" the fourth time I served him with divorce papers.
Our first son was around 5 years old and our second son was around 2 or so. During this time my husband got into the hard core biker life style, to ride and to drink his problems away.
Then the year 2000 saw me working at a Crisis Pregnancy Center, soon to realize the depth of my pain from my past abortions, covering it all up for almost 28 years.
I went through a post abortion recovery program where I received healing and restoration from my Heavenly Father. God was the biggest part of my healing!
Does abortion hurt women, YES, does abortion hurt men, YES, does abortion hurt my 2 sons, YES. They had 2 brothers and a sister they will never see, play with, have birthday parties with, ride a bike with, cry with, laugh with and yes even fight with.
To this date 2013, my husband and I are still happily married, this year we will be married 40 years!
I am so grateful for this platform to tell a little piece of my story. Thank you CNN for even asking for all our stories. Maybe with few of these women and men stories, you will see the impact abortions had on us, that is not only hurting the baby physically, but leaving deep scars on the life's of the mom's and dad's, siblings, grandparents, aunts and uncles left behind and generations of their families.
Mom Speak for us!!!! My children- I will !!!!!
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