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    Posted February 13, 2013 by
    mla5
    Location
    San Angelo, Texas
    Assignment
    Assignment
    This iReport is part of an assignment:
    Have you had an abortion?


    Regret

     
    I was living a single party lifestyle in Austin, TX at the age of 21. I had just moved there and got reacquainted with an old friend. We started seeing each other and while being under the influence we slept together and I became pregnant. Fear entangled me and I heard the dreadful words from him ... "Get Rid of It" My world came tumbling down... no support! My mother was fighting for her life at the time so I couldn't turn to her and I felt so alone and ashamed. She would later pass. I made the appt. at Austin Women's Health on March 28, 2000. It's located off S.
    I-35 and looks like a log cabin retreat, hardly the case! I arrived at 8am and the abortion was performed at approximately 12pm. The staff were abrasive and the whole process was a nightmare! It was like a factory from the time they took my blood and kept missing veins and laughing amongst one another like what they were doing was a big joke. Another girl gave me some pills, I asked what they were and she said, "I don't know!" I was then led to the procedure room which was set up like a dentist office and given laughing gas and the staff left me in there for 15- 20 minutes. They had posters of kittens taped to the ceiling, as if to make the situation better? I almost vomited from the 'gas' and had to remove it. I felt like I was spinning out of control. The Dr. walked in looking Kevorkian-esque, performed the procedure (which was a curettage abortion) and then smiled at me when he was done. It was like Judas kiss of betrayal and made me quiver inside. I was then escorted to another room that was rectangular and lined with recliners on either side. They offered juice and crackers like we were there to give blood, when in reality it was to make sure we didn't bleed out. I realized at that moment that out of ignorance ... I didn't just have an abortion, I just murdered my child and I wasn't going to get him back!! I was sobbing uncontrollably while another girl was asking how soon she could have sex again??? It was such a lie!! After I was released from this room I was sent to change back into my clothes. It took 4 attempts to get my bottoms back on because of the stabbing pain that occurred each time I bent forward to get my leg in the pants. Most excruciating pain I had ever felt!!
    I started heavily self-medicating because the pain of being by myself was too great and all I could do was scream!! I was crying out to God to take the pain from me. I turned my life over to the Lord and stopped the self-medication, although I still hated myself for 3 years afterward and finally forgave myself and others involved about 6 years later. I decided that I would choose life from then on!! I was either going to stay in my depression and eventually take my life as well or be proactive and educate young women on the effects of abortion both physical/emotional. I moved to San Angelo, TX and after living there a while decided I needed a volunteer opportunity after work. I went into the local Pregnancy Help Center (CareNet Inc.) so that I could provide post-abortion counsel to women not having received counseling of my own. God had different plans. This began my journey of healing. I began to meet with a post-abortion counselor on Tuesdays during my lunch break. During my counsel I lost my father to a car accident and stopped counsel for two years. I finished my counseling and went on later to volunteer there and counsel young women on pregnancy related issues while educating them on the effects of abortion. Backing up ... at the end of my counsel, I was asked to seek the Lord on the sex of the baby and what his/her name would be. The Lord revealed a little boy and the name Jacob. Two years ago in April, my pastor performed a memorial service at the local Pregnancy Help Center and my husband, son, and a few others were present. It was painful to relive the regret and have triggers of that hellish day that I aborted him. To hear him called by name was awfully painful but I was trying to honor him at the same time, since there was never closure or a proper funeral as is with most deaths. I will never forget him or the choice I made to end his life. Genesis 50:20 says, You (Satan) intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.
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