- Posted February 13, 2013 by
This iReport is part of an assignment:
Have you had an abortion?
I came from a Catholic background so I used abortion as a birth control method because the church was so against birth control and did not give as much attention to abortion. I had another abortion and did not give it another thought. I got married and pregnant and lost the baby at 5 months. I just thought that God took the baby away because there was something wrong with it. It was not until after I was divorced and pregnant by a man whom I thought I would be spending the rest of my live with that I became pregnant again. I told him about it (I was almost 3 months along) and he said that I had to get an abortion. He had another girlfriend years earlier and had her to do the same becuse he was not ready at that point in his life to be tied down with a family. He made all the arangements and air fare to out of state for the abortion because I was so far along, the clinics that did those kinds of abortions were few. It was the worst thing I had ever ben through in my life and I was given medication to put my body into contractions to have the baby. I literally had the baby on a trip to the bathroom. I felt the baby come out - I did not look back - just told the nurse and went to my bed and cried. I knew what I had just done and I knew that I could not tell anyone about it. When I returned, I broke up with the guy and suppressed my emotions. Several years later I met theman who I have been married to now for many years. I told him about it. We tried but were never able to have any children. Is that the result of so many abortions? I don't know. All I do know is that if I was told the truth in the beginning I doubt that I would have gone through with the first abortion. Do not let anyone tell you that you that it will not come back to haunt you. I was in my 50's when I realized that I would never be called momma and that I would never have a grandchild to call me grandma. I am healing little by little but I have been forgiven by most gracious and loving Father God. Because He sent His Son, Jesus to die for my sins, I am covered by the blood of the cross covenant. I never shared this information with anyone until the last two years because, even though I knew God forgave me, I could not forgive myself. I pray that everyone who has gone through this will seek healing help. Thank you for letting me tell my story. It is short, but the emotions of writing it and all the 'in betweens' are long and hard.