- Posted February 13, 2013 by
This iReport is part of an assignment:
Have you had an abortion?
A Trace of You
Before the abortion, I was taken to a local detective who was I am certain asked to scare me into reality. He was very to the point and like the nurses at Planned Parenthood was extremely cold. He told me that I could not afford to take care of my baby therefore, my child would have roaches crawling on him or her in the night because I would be too poor and ignorant to be able to properly care for the baby. This man said much more, but to this day those are the only words that I remember.
After the meeting, I was taken to the Women's Center in Dayton Ohio where I was placed in a room with others who were waiting to watch a video before the procedure. While sitting there, I met a college student much older than I who was waiting with her boyfriend. We began talking and she shared with me why she was having an abortion. She told me that she had her future detailed and planned and that a baby would just get in their way. I have wondered so many times if that individual has regret. I'm certain that she does. While continuing to wait, I had thoughts of running away again. My Mother had left me there and decided it would be best if she left me alone to talk with the the nurses etc. so I thought it was another opportunity to try and save this little life inside of me, but how? Where would I go? Who would help an under age girl about to have a baby? I knew that it was hopeless. Off to the video room I went.
After the video I was taken to the surgery room where the nurses were polite and told me they would not leave my side. She said that I would never see the face of the doctor and he would be in and out as soon as the abortion was complete. Then they brought in the pail. I will never forget as she placed this large container type of pail at the foot of the bed. 'My baby' I thought. "That is my baby's grave". They began to prepare me and placed the gas on my face. The nurse never took her eyes off of mine. She continually smiled and said; "it's almost over, you'll be fine". She went on to sympathize with me by telling me I was too young for this and was doing the right thing. I heard the door open as the doctor come in and then a sound of a suction. It sounded like the instruments used in a dental office. Then there was the pain and the pulling and tugging that one never seems to forget. "It's ok the nurse went on and on". My heart would never be the same, but God has forgiven, because I have asked for that forgiveness. After the horrid procedure, they took me to the recovery room. They gave me juice and cookies as I waited for the return of my Mother. Tears rolled down my face as I thought of what I had just allowed.
To bring this all in and make an extremely long story short, I have never forgotten nor could ever forget the heartache of losing that child. Yes, I was young and yes, it would have been difficult to care for the little one; but with help I could have done so. With help I would have the life and the person of who my child would have become with me today at 43 years old. As I said the story is a long one that explains in detail the emotions etc much better than I can in this way, but what I can tell you, whoever you are that is reading this short story, that the course and direction of my life forever changed that day. My goal is one of ministry to tell that yes there are consequences to every action. There are consequences to disobeying the word of God the creator of life. My hope is that some day, someone will read my story and realize that when they give into intimacy they need to have taken into consideration the fact that if they are of child bearing age and have not taken precaution, then they may have someone else to consider. The life of another. The life of their own child.
The dawn only comes for a short while after aborion, and then all too soon, the sun sets and depression, regret and much more take hold. For years I fought anxiety, nightmares and lack of self confindence. Fear of dying, fear of my two beautiful children dying because of my wrong. Then after much anguish, I found hope and peace and the knowledge that I am forgiven. Today I am the wife of a Pastor, the Mother of two and a program director in a retirement community. My life is rich and full, but I still have dreams of my little one and I still have the hope of one day seeing my child not the flesh as we are now, but in the spirit as we are all to become one day when we leave this world. I must mention that the Memorial for the Unborn in Chattanooga TN. has given me so much comfort in helping to give my child an indentity and a place in this world to be remembered. Thank you for reading and taking the time to report such stories as these.