- Posted February 13, 2013 by
Lake Placid, Florida
This iReport is part of an assignment:
Have you had an abortion?
A Quick Fix???
'They' tell you that abortion is a quick fix to your problem. Easy procedure. You can go on with your life plans. I am here to tell you that is NOT true!! It is a decision that will haunt you the rest of your life. I had an abortion back in 1982.
As women, we are designed to protect and nurture our children. It is in our nature.When a woman has an abortion she has killed her unborn child. Because of this, she is unable to grieve properly. As women, we need to 'talk' about things to help us process emotions. Because we murdered our unborn child we tell very few if anyone. It becomes our secret shame. Because we are unable to talk openly, we are unable to go through the grieving process properly. We stuff our emotions, temporarily relieved that our inconvenient or embarrassing situation is over. This now impacts our future relationships. We 'stuff' our anger, anger at ourselves and/or the others involved. The impact of this is not felt for 10-20 yrs after your abortion.
Post abortion syndrome is the result. One might have difficulty with trust, have addiction issues and/or just engage in risky behavior to name a few. As a young,single, professional woman now in my 30's I was trying to 'find' myself through self-help books and counselling still not acknowledging my abortion. I did not have any close women friends, I now know this was because a woman's friendship is more intimate than one with a male ( I am talking about nonsexual relationships ) Mother's Day was especially difficult. It was so hard to spend the day with family and friends with your mask on. Inside you were so sad. My own mother didn't know, I was so ashamed. I had such difficulty finding Mr. Right, something was always wrong with the men I dated. Still single.
I had a an old family friend that was director of a pregnancy center. She would invite me to their fundraising dinners, I always had an excuse. The truth was I was so uncomfortable around her and anything to do with the subject. It wasn't until 1992 that I felt I was 'strong enough' to be totally honest with this friend when she asked me AGAIN to attend a fundraiser. What happened next totally surprised me. I broke into an uncontrollable flood of tears after I confessed to her. I had not cried before....I had to be strong.....it wasn't really a life. My friend was so dear as she consoled me while walking to a more discreet place to talk. She shared with me the signs of post-abortion syndrome. I felt like I was reading my character traits! I enrolled in a post abortion counselling class that was 8 weeks long.
What relief I felt! Finally, here with a group of women that I could talk openly with. I was led through the grieving process with kindness, understanding and love. The last session was a memorial session. What peace I felt. I could go on with my life. I forgave myself ! I am one of the lucky ones or I should say blessed. Most women continue to stuff their emotions.
I have since married, I have a precious son who is now 16, and am able to have good, rich friendships with other women. The movie October Baby was coming out last year and I trained to facilitate a post abortion healing group like the one I had been through. I was still amazed at the emotions that I went through....they never leave you. I have been involved with watching other's heal, it is so rewarding. I have had to speak in front of large groups....I want others to come out of their hiding and find freedom. The hardest part was telling my son about my past, he was really shocked but then quite understanding. I have a friend who has confessed to me but won't have any part of telling others in a group.....how sad. So many women live in this bondage.
A quick fix....I don't think so. There are other alternatives that won't damage your life so.