- Posted February 13, 2013 by
This iReport is part of an assignment:
Have you had an abortion?
Letter from a post-abortive mother: Warning to any woman in the position I was in
With my consent, against my will. People mistakenly think that this is a well thought through decision; a carefully considered choice.
But if you think about the lies women are told in their most frightened, desperate moments (moments during which they will believe anything), do you really think that this is a logical, calm, informed “decision”? Do you really think that if these women saw the instruments used for abortion and were informed of its violent, murderous procedure, saw graphic videos and pictures of aborted babies, were required to hear the heartbeat and see the sonogram, and knew what emotional devastation awaited them, that they would still do it?
No, they would not. The truth is covered up by abortionists, the medical personnel, and the abortion industry because they know they will continue to get their blood money and feed their black souls as long as their prey (terrified women in trouble) is brainwashed and therefore easy to take advantage of.
What woman WANTS to murder her child? What woman WANTS to have herself put under, defenseless, while an assassin, who has been given legal permission to murder and destroy, takes away the very thing she wants most
(her child) in the most invasive, rape-like, and violent way possible? Does that make sense? No.
I am unable to speak in detail of what happened, but I can tell you that I understand what it means to plead insanity. I was NEVER pro-abortion; NEVER pro-“choice”, i.e. pro-murder. So what would make a conservative, Christian woman like me do something so horrible? What goes on in the mind of a woman to make her react this way? I never believed in or supported abortion. It was, however, never a topic in my life because I never planned on having kids in the first place, so when I turned up pregnant, I lost all control of rational thought. Had I been in my right mind, the “option” of abortion NEVER would have come to mind at all. It came to mind because I was not in my right mind and I reacted.
And that is precisely what abortion is for the woman: a traumatized, horrified reaction. The industry takes advantage of the fact that the poor woman (or girl) has completely lost her mind and any ability to think for herself, to make the right decision, which is to choose life, her baby.
I was so terrified that I could not protect myself and could not speak. It is as though it was not ME. I don’t know how it happened, why it happened; why or how I did it. I did not want to. This was against my will. Inside, I wanted my baby, but could not get the words out and may not have even been aware. In a traumatized state, the ability to speak is often shut down by the brain. Like I said, I understand what it means to plead insanity. From a medical standpoint, it was more than obvious that I should have been turned away from the clinic. Every woman should be.
What about the friends from whom I sought help? What about the medical personnel? (I could sue them for malpractice, by the way.) There were people around me only to encourage this murder as I died inside, desperately wanting my baby, but not realizing what was happening. Those friends told me later they never thought it was a good idea, yet they had remained silent and supported “my decision,” i.e. my reaction. Had they BOLDLY said something when they obviously had the chance, things would be different now. A woman out of her mind needs something firm, bold, and powerful to hang on to. Something LOUD. What if that firm, bold, and powerful thing is the industry and its lies? What happens when all of that is louder?
Again, I cannot go into detail about the clinic, what actually happens in there, but I can tell you that this is not a choice, not a decision, not something any woman wants. I woke up screaming out for my baby. This was the LAST thing I wanted to do. And no one was there to boldly say it was wrong. I was unable to speak…and I reacted out of absolute terror.
I would give my life to have my child back. I never wanted this. Why do I want to die? To be with my baby. What keeps me alive? The fact that my obligation to live is greater than my desire to die.
Yes, I want to die many, many days, but that would defeat the belief that keeps me breathing: I believe that God, being the God of second chances, in His great mercy and forgiveness, will return my baby – the same baby – to my womb because He understands my heart and what happened. His will is for my child to live, and no human being can stop His will. You may disagree with me on this, you may say that my baby is dead and never coming back, but if I believed the same, then I would have no regard for God’s miracles and I would be dead by now. My baby is alive. So am I. Only God can take life. I cannot.
I cannot tell you the unspeakable shame, grief, pain, loss, and agony I feel every day of my life. I know what hell is. I live in it every day. My heart is totally broken. I live with the emotional effects and trauma of rape (Abortion is a horrific form of legal, medical rape, like all gynecological procedures). I have spent an enormous amount of money on therapy. As a result of this therapy through Project Rachel, I have chosen to dedicate my life to becoming a clinical counselor/therapist specifically for post-abortive women and to fighting for the abolishment of abortion.
So much of me is destroyed. I am not the same. I want my baby. I want my baby. I want my baby. I am so sorry. Forgive me.