- Posted February 13, 2013 by
Port Huron, Michigan
This iReport is part of an assignment:
Have you had an abortion?
I was raised with alot of liberty in freedom and that meant you can be do who whatever you want. Sounds liberating and free but it was very confusing I wasnt sure what the truth was in my life so I did what I saw I loved hard and lived like no tomorrow.. At seventeen I was dating an older guy of coarse hanging out all night and he wanted more but I didnt know what that was so he tricked me and I ended up pregnet. He ended up sleeping with my bestfriend and they got together and I moved on and in the mist of all this we all were friends. We were all out one night to have 5 of us 7 shot and in the hospital. My bestfriend left and I found myself pregnet and comforting him in his room wondering will this be the beginning of our family?.. I went home after being there all night to get a phone call that I was no longer able to go to the hospital and his mom had thought I had set up the whole ordeal. At that moment I was banned from the hospital and his family the thoughts of aborting the baby had already crossed my mind we had talked about it I had made an appt. But it was not final until that moment when I felt I could not do this on my own.
At that time I started dating a guy around my age and we fell so hard for eachother we had been thru similar up bringings with addictions , divorce, trama. If we werent fighting we were making love. at 23 I got pregnet with my first son we were so happy still dealing with alot of issues now tring to figure out how to be parents and not be what we had seen as role models we knew they did the best with the knowledge they had but we wanted more but how? We were on and off I was working and hanging out when my son was at grandmas. Dating in between and now at 25 I was pregnet again now with another guys baby. I just started school and when I told him he then shared with me he was married and moving to GA to start over and I cannot have this baby and you know what you need to do ill even pay for it and go with you.. WOW how did I get here? All my family and friends were telling me the same thing. Your in school, its Christmas, you already have one baby you have a hard time taking care of. What will you do with two babys who have two different daddy's? Your not in a relationship with either one of them.. I thought I was strong I thought I didnt need a man or anyone for that matter I can do this on my own thats what I was always told thats the attitude I always had, now what? All the reasons you would say its OK to have an abortion I had them. School, Money, Man, Another kid, No support they all lined up so here I am in Planned Parenthood debating if I want to still do this.. They take me back but before they do they gave me a nerve pill I felt like it was an assembly line.. I go into a room and they have me sign some papers and councel if I want to or not still go thru with this. Asked my situation and agreed with everyone else by noding her head and saying do you have any support and it was like as soon as I said no it was a done deal off I went to the next room.. Now im in a robe and my feet in stirrups alone holding the nurses hand and looking at the doctor at my feet and she said take a deep breath it may hurt and I heard the sound of the vaccum coming in and in seconds she was gone. I felt I just murdered my baby... I couldnt take it back this moment was gone forever I would never know the love from her who she would be how her smile would look back at me..
I had a nervous breakdown I couldnt stop cring everything before I did to deal with life was not working all the gods I served had failed me. Now my family and friends are concerned telling me I need to go to church where was this before they dont even go to church.. I went the first Sunday of that New Year what else did I have everything I knew wasnt working. When I first walked in There was a cross and a worship song that was playing here I am to bow down here I am to worship ill never know how much it cost to see my sins apon that cross. I fell to my knees and now I knew why Jesus died for me.. It took me a long time to forgive myself for what I had done but without the Grace of God I would still be in a nervous breakdown.
How do I know she was a girl I was sharing my story with a friend and she asked how did I come to know Jesus as my Lord and Savior as I was sharing with her I Heard God's voice say SHE was concieved to save your life..
Within the first ten days of becoming pregnet the baby has a heart beat which means the baby is alive and has a purpose and God himself has a plan for you and that baby. Regardless of what the odds are or how horrible it may be know we have a loving God that wants to show you how powerful He is in any situation just give him a chance to show you... I will never stand with a picket sign outside and call anyone a murderer or cast judgement I am here to say He did it for me and I know He will do it for you..
I now have two loving amazing boys from the man I fell in love with so long ago.... I dont search after the same things that use to fill me.. I am still believing in full restoration.. I will end with writing this: The freedom and liberty I now have in His Truth has brought healing to all areas of my life...... You are Forgiven... His perfect love cast out Fear ......