In 1997, while attending college on a full scholarship, I had two abortions. At the time, I felt like I wasn't ready to have a baby and feared losing my scholarship so I chose to abort my pregnancies. I didn't know about places like the Bowie Crofton Pregnancy Clinic and other centers where I could go to get free pregnancy testing and talk through my decision with a trusted counselor. I didn't consider adoption or carrying my children. At the time I felt like abortion was my only option. I didn't realize there was life growing inside of me that needed to be protected. The only life I was trying to protect at the time was my own. After I had my first abortion I remembered feeling a sense of loss and emptiness. However, I went back to school as if nothing ever happened. I continued having premarital sex and approximately 9 months from my first abortion, I found out I was pregnant again. Just like the first time, I chose to have a second abortion. After the second abortion I remember feeling a deeper sense of loss and emptiness and I vowed that I would never do it again. I even tried to get pregnant on purpose to try and replace the babies I had aborted, but it never happened. When I had my abortions, nobody told me about the consequences that came along with those decisions. I didn't know that what I thought were "quick fixes" would follow me for the rest of my life. Nobody told me that I would have problems forgiving myself and would be tortured by feelings of guilt and shame. I didn't know that I would be reminded of my abortions every year when I updated my information at the doctors office, which includes providing the number of pregnancies and the results of those pregnancies. Nobody told me that I would have difficulty conceiving when I finally got married and desired to have children. All I knew back then was that abortion was my choice, but I didn't fully understand what I was really choosing to do to my unborn children and my life. After 12 years of suffering from the tormenting emotions from my abortions, I finally received peace when I went through post abortion counseling at the Bowie Crofton Pregnancy Clinic. During the counseling, I learned how to forgive myself, accept God's forgiveness, and finally grieve the losses of my two children: Christopher Isaiah and Shannon Sarah. Today I walk in freedom with my eyes opened to the truth about abortion. I currently serve as a volunteer post abortion group facilitator to help other women heal from their past choices. Abortion is not a "quick fix" or a simple surgical procedure that gets rid of a blob of tissue. It is choosing to take away the gift of life that we are all blessed with. Abortion leaves emotional, physical, and spiritual scars that torment women for years. The only reprieve is for these women to seek post abortion counseling so they can be free and help other hurting women.
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