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Have you had an abortion?
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- Posted February 15, 2013 by
- lilmomma23 Follow
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Abortion: My Story
When I was 15 years old I was dating a guy I knew I was not in love with. I was desperate for love and affection and he filled both needs for me. He loved me, so I thought it was OK to give him what he wanted. I wanted it too though, because I was lonely. I also felt that my only true value was in what I could give with my body. I was a pretty face and had a nice body, so why not use it? Besides, I didn't want to be a tease, right? We were in a committed relationship so we took our physical relationship to the next level. I was very naïve back then and had heard from his friends that he was sterile due to a childhood illness. My biggest concern was pregnancy so I felt we were in the clear and we didn't use protection. A few months later I found out the hard way that the rumors were indeed false. I was pregnant. I was 15 years old. I wouldn't even be able to drive before I had the baby. I was freaking out. He wanted to get married but I knew he was not who I was supposed to be with. Again, I was only 15. I was not ready for marriage and a baby. I didn't want a baby. I didn't want my life to change. I was still a kid. I didn't want my body to change. I didn't want to face what people would think if they knew I had been having sex at such a young age. I knew it was wrong. I felt trapped and I just wanted things to go back to the way they were. When my parents finally found out and confronted me about it they asked me what I wanted to do. The first thing that came to mind was abortion. In my mind that would solve all my problems. Nothing would have to change. I wasn't thinking about the baby inside me, only how I would be affected. 2 days later it was done. I slept for an entire week afterwards and sank into depression. It is a complete lie that nothing will change. That your life can go back to normal. It did on the outside, but I was forever changed on the inside. I tried to suppress it but it was in the back of my mind. I didn't want to face what I had done. I was scared of what people would think of me if they found out what I had done. I was scared that I had ruined my chance of ever having a baby.
I married a wonderful man when I was twenty and 7 months later we found out I was pregnant with a beautiful baby boy. I cried when I found out because I had been so scared that I would be punished and would never be able to have children. After my first child the full weight of what I had done hit me. For the first time I truly realized what I had done. I had killed my own child! What kind of person, mother, does that?!? This thought haunted me for years. I recommitted my life to Christ when my baby boy was around 3 years old. I asked God's forgiveness for what I had done. He forgave me but it took me a long time to accept it and forgive myself. I couldn't keep the devil from whispering in my ear every chance he got how worthless I was as person and mother. On the outside, I had it all together, for the most part. But on the inside I was a mess. I battled depression on and off for years. I wouldn't let people get close to me, afraid of what they would think if they knew what I had done. They would know I was a horrible person. I kept everyone at arms length and didn't have any really close relationships. I wouldn't let anyone know the real me. Because of fear. What I had done had caused a crippling fear inside of me. As I've grown in my relationship with Christ I've realized that that's not the kind of life he wants for me. He has shown me through countless bible studies and sermons that we are all sinners. We all make mistakes. Those who have accepted Christ as their lord and have asked for forgiveness are forgiven. No matter what the sin is, God has wiped the slate clean. His Son came and wiped it away with his blood. He wants me to have life and have it abundantly. He has blessed me beyond measure. God is a God of forgiveness and mercy and love. Through Him I am not defined by my past, instead I am defined as His Child. And He has a purpose for me. Romans 8:28 says : And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them that are called according to his purpose.
I married a wonderful man when I was twenty and 7 months later we found out I was pregnant with a beautiful baby boy. I cried when I found out because I had been so scared that I would be punished and would never be able to have children. After my first child the full weight of what I had done hit me. For the first time I truly realized what I had done. I had killed my own child! What kind of person, mother, does that?!? This thought haunted me for years. I recommitted my life to Christ when my baby boy was around 3 years old. I asked God's forgiveness for what I had done. He forgave me but it took me a long time to accept it and forgive myself. I couldn't keep the devil from whispering in my ear every chance he got how worthless I was as person and mother. On the outside, I had it all together, for the most part. But on the inside I was a mess. I battled depression on and off for years. I wouldn't let people get close to me, afraid of what they would think if they knew what I had done. They would know I was a horrible person. I kept everyone at arms length and didn't have any really close relationships. I wouldn't let anyone know the real me. Because of fear. What I had done had caused a crippling fear inside of me. As I've grown in my relationship with Christ I've realized that that's not the kind of life he wants for me. He has shown me through countless bible studies and sermons that we are all sinners. We all make mistakes. Those who have accepted Christ as their lord and have asked for forgiveness are forgiven. No matter what the sin is, God has wiped the slate clean. His Son came and wiped it away with his blood. He wants me to have life and have it abundantly. He has blessed me beyond measure. God is a God of forgiveness and mercy and love. Through Him I am not defined by my past, instead I am defined as His Child. And He has a purpose for me. Romans 8:28 says : And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them that are called according to his purpose.
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