- Posted February 15, 2013 by
This iReport is part of an assignment:
Have you had an abortion?
Abortion: My Story
I married a wonderful man when I was twenty and 7 months later we found out I was pregnant with a beautiful baby boy. I cried when I found out because I had been so scared that I would be punished and would never be able to have children. After my first child the full weight of what I had done hit me. For the first time I truly realized what I had done. I had killed my own child! What kind of person, mother, does that?!? This thought haunted me for years. I recommitted my life to Christ when my baby boy was around 3 years old. I asked God's forgiveness for what I had done. He forgave me but it took me a long time to accept it and forgive myself. I couldn't keep the devil from whispering in my ear every chance he got how worthless I was as person and mother. On the outside, I had it all together, for the most part. But on the inside I was a mess. I battled depression on and off for years. I wouldn't let people get close to me, afraid of what they would think if they knew what I had done. They would know I was a horrible person. I kept everyone at arms length and didn't have any really close relationships. I wouldn't let anyone know the real me. Because of fear. What I had done had caused a crippling fear inside of me. As I've grown in my relationship with Christ I've realized that that's not the kind of life he wants for me. He has shown me through countless bible studies and sermons that we are all sinners. We all make mistakes. Those who have accepted Christ as their lord and have asked for forgiveness are forgiven. No matter what the sin is, God has wiped the slate clean. His Son came and wiped it away with his blood. He wants me to have life and have it abundantly. He has blessed me beyond measure. God is a God of forgiveness and mercy and love. Through Him I am not defined by my past, instead I am defined as His Child. And He has a purpose for me. Romans 8:28 says : And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them that are called according to his purpose.