- Posted February 15, 2013 by
This iReport is part of an assignment:
Have you had an abortion?
Every child deserves a chance at life, just like you and I were given.
Just as many of you remember where you were on the tragic day of 9/11 when more than 3000 Americans lost their lives, I remember the fateful day in Nov. 1988. It’s a day I’ll never forget.
I chose abortion for several reasons –
~I was fearful of disappointing my parents, and embarrassed that I had gotten pregnant out of wedlock.
~pregnancy & parenting while finishing my college education did not seem possible
~the father of the baby suggested abortion and
~Adoption never even occurred to me nor was it suggested by the doctors or nurses that I spoke to.
So…being uninformed, fearful and looking for a quick answer to my predicament, abortion seemed like the best solution. I thought I was doing the right thing.
No one prepared me for what I would experience on that day - 24 years ago.
Memories of that day are still embedded in my mind. The deafening silence and strange stares of the other women in the waiting room of the clinic, then the sound of the vacuum aspiration machine, the physical discomfort and the voice of the doctor also took root in my mind. The Doctor calmly assured me that only a "small tissue" would be removed and the procedure would be complete in a few minutes.
Honestly, that’s all I wanted to know so I could just go home and go on with life. But reality was that life would never be the same and take a different path than I had planned.
As I left the operating room and entered the bathroom, I began crying with out even knowing why. I was bewildered. The days, weeks and years following the abortion left me muddled, while struggling to finish my schooling. I lost my hope of becoming a Social Worker. I changed majors just to get done with school and move one. Once I graduated, I threw myself into work and pretended the abortion never happened.
But my conscience knew better.
Disappointment, foolish living, unexplainable anger dominated my life following the abortion.
For more than 10 years I struggled in general, particularly in relationships. Yet, I eventually married and had a child. I was a nervous wreck caring for a newborn. I was constantly in fear that something would happen to him or we would lose him. I was overbearing in my protection of my son. Panic over minor things was driving my husband and I crazy, not to mention how unhealthy it is for a growing infant.
Then one day someone makes a comment about abortion to me, without knowing my past
“How can a mother kill her baby?”
Those words came like a knife into my heart leaving me speechless. I thought to myself:
“But I didn’t kill my baby. Or did I??”
Her words haunted me for days but also planted a seed of desire in me to know the truth. I had to know the truth.
God was quick to answer my prayers. As I read God’s words spoken to Cain in Genesis, The Spirit of God spoke gently to me :
“Leigh Ann, your baby’s blood calls out from the ground.”
I could not deny my sin any longer. The grief, anger, fear, and depression were just some of the post abortion symptoms I experienced. But God had a plan…and He forgave me, but His plan was just beginning.
I knew I was forgiven when I confessed my sin, but I would carry the shame of what I had done to my baby for several more years. I couldn’t tell anyone what I had done. I was forced into silence. Only God and my husband would know the truth about my past. All I could do was cry out to God daily for peace.
Then the Lord directed me to a Pregnancy care center and the healing journey began with the FORGIVEN & SET FREE Bible study. I discovered the depth of God’s love and forgiveness, how He bore my shame on the cross and how it would be another sin to carry the shame of my past any longer – it would be denying what Christ accomplished in His sacrifice for me.
By having faith in Jesus, He turned my sorrow and mourning into LAUGHTER and my shame and disgrace into EVERLASTING JOY. He removed the pain, guilt and shame and healed the sorrow of losing my baby. His Sacrifice is the only thing powerful enough to save and heal us. I am Forgiven and Set Free thanks to Jesus!
Today my family is strong and healthy, I help other women who are facing unplanned pregnancies to make healthy choices for themselves and their babies, and educating them through parenting programs. My goal is to help one woman/family at a time to make a difference and to save the lives of precious children. They deserve a chance at life, just like you and I were given.