- Posted February 15, 2013 by
This iReport is part of an assignment:
Have you had an abortion?
My Body My Choice
I told one friend and made the appointment to destroy my child. Ice cold, so sure of myself, and convinced that the abortion would have no lasting effects. I remember arrogantly walking by the pro life protestors ….reciting the mantra….my body...my choice!
That day I silenced myself; promised to never look back… no mooning about the baby’s sex, their birthday or who they would have been. I thought I put the whole thing behind me. But that silence led to alcohol, more indiscriminate sex and the destruction of my self esteem. I buried myself in my career became a workaholic. And it led to 2 more abortions.
Little did I know then, that I would never have living children. That the secret I kept would effect me in ways I could never imagine. I became passionately and wildly pro-choice. I remember being at play, where at intermission, there was a group asking people to write post cards to encourage elected officials to keep abortion legal. As I penned the postcard, I felt a quite unfamiliar flair of white hot venom as I wrote "I am pro choice and I vote!" The force of that emotion caused my friends to do a double take. The force of my anger shocked me. I remember it clearly to this day.
Twenty five years later, the faithful prayers of my mother, who had no idea about the abortions, set in motion the path to healing. Through a series of events I got to a Rachel’s Vineyard Retreat. Even then, I was led by my anger and my arrogance. My sole purpose in attending was to help "these other woman, just get over it and move on" like I had. The weekend gently released the self imposed gag order and gave voice to the grief I carried for so long. Suddenly, I understood God’s love and mercy . It saved my life and it changed my life.
I know about abortion from the inside out….it is a physical, emotional, and spiritual event impossible to forget. Abortion is legal and it also shameful. I am not proud of my actions but if breaking my silence will give others the courage to break theirs it will be worth it. The numbers of women who have experienced abortion are staggering... we are your mothers, your sisters, your friends and your wives. There is hope and healing for people who have experienced abortion and the only way to find it is to speak up and speak out. Thank you for your compassion.