- Posted February 16, 2013 by
This iReport is part of an assignment:
A Love Unmatched
Many years passed and I found myself doing things that compromised my integrity. I swallowed my nagging conscious and barreled head first into things that I knew would hurt me. I acted selfishly, was unkind to other and myself, and my actions were hurting others and myself. There was a God-sized hole in my spirit that I found I could not fill with any amount of pleasurable substances.
About 15 years later, one day while working high up in mountainous terrain, the ground gave out from under my foot and I fell off a 30 foot cliff. I landed on my buttocks which took the brunt of the weight and force of the fall. The landing had dislocated my pelvis from my spine, and I continue to suffer with the chronic pains and physical limitations of hip instability to this day. This fall could have easily taken my life, and I would have died having previously renounced God, not knowing where my spirit would spend eternal life. Unknown to me, it was the mercy of God that saved my life that day.
Unfortunately due to the physical limitations of the injury, I was unable to perform the duties of my job. Shortly after the fall, I was laid off. I was able to obtain unemployment, but this was a 75% cut in the income I had been receiving. My family was unable to deal with my disability and my lowered standards of living, and they turned away their love and support for me. I was broke and homeless for awhile, and I didn't have food or basic necessities.
Eventually I was able to rent an apartment, but with the minimal income I was receiving the only apartment I could afford was one that was in the worst part of town, it was roach and bed bug infested, and owned by a slumlord. This landlord's lease allowed any of his employees to gain entrance into my apartment at any time by key or by force, and as such personal privacy did not exist. With the expense of rent, I only had enough money to provide food for half the month, leaving me without for the last two weeks of each month. By this point in my life, I had all but given up. I was depressed, rejected, humiliated, wronged by others, unloved, hopeless, and in severe chronic pain. I wished for death to escape this miserable existence. I started looking into different religions and entertaining New Age faith ideas and practices. I meditated, did reiki and yoga, and attempted astral projection. None of these provided any relief spiritually, physically, or financially.
One night while sleeping in bed I had a very vivid nightmare. I dreamed I was buried in a dark hole. Around me floated several dark monsterous beings that were tormenting me. I was unable to move and I was terrified. I realized these dark entities were demons, and as such I would need help from Jesus. So I tried several times to say the name "Jesus", but each time I attempted saying His name I could only speak a portion of it. The demons were choking my throat, trying hard not to let me speak. I started crying as I frantically tried calling on Jesus to no avail. Suddenly an arm came out of nowhere and pulled me up out of that dark hole and away from those demons. As soon as I was lifted up I was able to clearly and fully say the name "Jesus Christ". I repeated His name over and over and I woke up saying His name repeatedly. I realized this dream was sent from the Almighty God of Abraham, Issac, and Jacob as a message for my life. His message was that I was spiritually buried and surrounded by demonic forces, and even though I had given up on God, He had not forgotten nor had He given up on me. He had delivered me out of spiritual death and torment. This was a message of His unconditional love. It was this great unmatchable love that filled my spirit, gave me hope, and uplifted my life. This love humbled me and left me yearning for more. I realized that God has never abandoned me or any of us. He shows up right on time, every time.
After this dream I read the entire Bible for the first time in my life. You see I had stacks of fiction books that I bought over the years, as I love to read, but I had never taken the time to read the Bible. I began watching sermons on Youtube by Derek Prince, David Wilkerson, and others. It had been over 20 years since I stepped foot in a church, but I began going on Sundays again. I tithed when I could and attended church activities. I took some of the lessons by Derek Prince seriously and removed objects that were either idols, graven images, or associated with the occult from my house. Many of the fiction books I had bought over the years were in some way associated with the occult, and I decided to burn them instead of selling or giving them away. Even though I could have made hundreds of dollars selling them, I decided to burn them because by selling them I would just be passing the idol, graven image, and the curses associated with them onto others.
The spiritual world has become more transparent to me, and I realized that turning back to God would anger the Devil greatly. One night while reading my Bible, a guy knifed two of my car tires, leaving me without transportation for 2 weeks and the added expense of buying 2 tires. The next month my beloved dog of 7 years died suddenly. A few days later, I got a notice from my landlord that they were not going to renew my lease and I had 26 days to find another place to live! The next month my car battery died, leaving me without transportation and an unexpected and costly expense. The month after that my bank account was hacked and someone from India stole $183 from my account. So, you see, the Devil does not give you up so easily and He constantly will tempt and torment you. The good thing was now I had God in my life and I could easily call to Him and pray for help.
I can say in all confidence that God has heard my prayers, and He will hear yours too. The day I got that eviction notice, I prayed to the Lord and asked him not to leave me homeless. The very next day I found an add in the paper for an apartment that was $150 less a month than my previous apartment. I drove out and viewed the place and put my name in the hat as a potential renter. Two days after I prayed to God not to leave me homeless, the man renting the apartment that I looked at the day before called me and offered me the place! I found out shortly after that my new landlord was a long-time member of a local church. God had taken me out from under an evil and corrupt landlord and placed me under a kind landlord that has faith in Him.
God is there to right the wrong, to heal your ailments (whether body, mind, or spirit), to remove the unrighteous things in your life, to replace those things that have been taken from you, to restore your hope, to protect you from evil, and to fill that huge hole in your life. What God really wants is to have His love returned. Turn back to Him and experience the love you have never before received.