- Posted September 25, 2008 by
Syracuse, New York
This iReport is part of an assignment:
Issue #1: Questions on the economy
We Need A Pimp Up In Here!!
A friend of mine - who is much more intelligent than I - called Congress, Wall Street bankers and the Bush administration a "bunch of whores". Now, every whore I know is alright, if slightly lax in behavior, but this made me think and I got a flash of inspiration. While this is usually dangerous to me as well as innocent bystanders this one was brilliant. What we need is a pimp to run the Wall Street bailout.
Think of all the good reasons for it. First, if you're dealing with whores who would be better? The average person who deals with them winds up rolled, with the clap, or, most irritatingly, busted because she was an undercover cop. And let's face it, in a one-on-one confrontation who do you think would come out on top, so to speak: George Bush or a hooker?
Next, there's the matter of accountability. Considering those skids of money - $9 Billion dollars in fact - that got "lost" in Iraq, obviously Bush & Co. are not the people you want you want handling the cash. Let's face it, if you short a pimp somebody is getting a foot in their ass.
Then there's the whole no accountably thing. Let's face it, Paulson, Bush and Bernanke will never get that. Paulson said we were okay 6 months ago, so obviously these guys are dumber than a bag of hammers. But a pimp would stalk the halls of Congress, bitch slapping and ass whipping until he's gotten the flexibility he wants.
And the costs wouldn't be that high. You know full well that with the regular Washington crowd guys in suits will walk away with goo-gobs of money. But with a pimp you could structure the deal so all it costs are a chinchilla coat, a set of rims and an Escalade that has a steering wheel covered in female pubic hair. Well, that and a case of Dom P.
I can't see any down-side to this. It's just the thing for bipartisan support and people who are familiar with Wall Street. Just ask Client 9!