- Posted March 30, 2013 by
San Diego, California
This iReport is part of an assignment:
North Korea crisis: Your views
NORTH KOREA TARGETING AUSTIN HIPSTERS in STRIKE PLAN
I am not of Korean descent. But in this instance, since I am sitting in the North Korean despot's proclaimed line of fire, I feel nervous.
Not nervous because the USA cannot defend itself from this megalomaniac, but the ruthless dictator is so unpredictable and well...crazy!
North Korea said: "The time has come to settle accounts with the US imperialists."
U.S. Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel said: "Washington would not be cowed by Pyongyang's bellicose threats and stood ready to respond to "any eventuality".
Yes, the west coast of the United States has recently beefed up it's anti-missile defenses by adding an additional 14 anti-ballistic missile interceptor launchers in Alaska.
A “US Mainland Strike Plan” was released by the Communist dictatorship on Friday, March 29. In it, "three US targets appeared to have clear strategic value: Washington, DC, America’s capital; California, its most populous state; and Hawaii, a key US military outpost in the Pacific," said a story in the Telegraph UK.
However one extra target brought a hoot of derision from those in the line of fire: Texas. Texans reacted "with bemusement" upon learning that their state had been targeted by the ruthless Asian despot. The Telegraph story tried hard to figure out why Texas?
Putting their best British minds together, it was deduced that either Kim Jong II is looking for payback on former President George W. Bush, who retired to a house in Dallas and a ranch in Crawford, "the location of which appeared closest to Mr Kim’s projected missile path," said the Telegraph UK.
However, perhaps the ruthless maniac in North Korea is not as deluded as we might think. There are some suggestions that Kim Jong II specifically targeted Texas so he might nuke those annoying trendy hipsters who recently held another aggravatingly self-congratulatory SXSW festival earlier in March. The bomb map shows a path that sends a nuke just 95 miles south of Austin, the Texas state capital.
Those of us sick of insufferable skinny jeans and the next over-hyped band to hit the airwaves came to the conclusion that autocrat Kim Jong II actually had a sane thought and may have taken aim against the liberal enclave’s young “hipster population," as the Telegraph called it.
Kirk Watson, a Texas state senator and former mayor of Austin was clearly offended by the threat of a missile to the city. He cited North Korea's threat to annihilate Austin as "the ultimate Austin-bashing legislation”.
The Telegraph also surmised that perhaps the Mac-loving dictator, who was pictured working on an Apple iMac computer, planned to “nuke Dell”, the PC giant and Apple competitor, which is headquartered nearby, also in Texas.
How Kim Jong II got his hands on an Apple computer, given that America has a trade embargo with North Korea, is the subject of much conjecture.
Apple warns buyers on its website that the export of its products to North Korea is “strictly prohibited”.
Perhaps if the United States offers to make a good faith gesture of promising to limit the hipness quotient of future Austin gatherings and sends over a batch of (non-embargoed) Apple computers, Kim Jong II might call off his nuclear threats? Those of us living near big Navy bases in coastal California can then breathe a sigh of relief once again.
photo credit: Facebook