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  • Approved for CNN

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    Posted April 3, 2013 by
    Davison, Michigan
    This iReport is part of an assignment:
    Living with autism: Out in public

    More from SacredFemale

    Aspergers Girl Out of this World


    CNN PRODUCER NOTE     SacredFemale has Aspergers and says sometimes while out in public spaces she feels overwhelmed by the chaotic feelings she sometimes gets from her surroundings. 'The chatter of different voices having different conversations everywhere and not being able to determine who or what to focus on is difficult for me,' she explained. But she finds peace and tranquility out with nature, which she considers her 'true home.' She says while growing up she was made fun of by her peers. 'I didn't really fit into what they expected. High school was the worse for my comprehension and my social skills were lacking quite a bit,' she said. She says when she is out in public, sometimes she wants to tell others to 'stop staring so hard.' 'We are just as worthy of love ... there are many different levels of our conditions, and none of us are exactly the same.'
    - Jareen, CNN iReport producer

    I have Aspergers. I have a really rough time going out to shop or being social.

    Sometimes it is impossible for me to go anywhere-
    I can get highly anxious and overwhelmed at the chaos /fast paced (sometimes Superficial) ways we live.
    Small places like Holistic Places, Churches (Non-Denominational) I go to sometimes. They are low key so I can go without being too overwhelmed. Large crowds I tend to stay away from. Big stores I can handle for a short time. I tend to get exhausted literally from being surrounded by Florescent lights, sudden sounds and chaos-plus too many choices and too many things in aisles really drive me crazy.

    Being with people is not easy. They judge and they stare. They mock and they just seem to dominate. I try not to pay attention to them as much as I used to. It is none of my business what they think of me. If someone cannot accept me as I am, then I came to the conclusion that they are no longer worthy of my time and or energy. I still have a hard time with this though. It is not easy.

    I do have some more Austic Tendencies- such as flapping my hand, being more animated than most when explaining something, being more cheerful (for the most part), twirl when bored …etc…. Sometimes I don’t realize till after I do these things but I see no harm since I am not harming others when I do these things-

    plus “Normal” to me is Overrated--- who is to say that we (those on the Austim Spectrum/other developmental challenges) are not Normal? Maybe we are Normal and those who are Neurotypical are not “Normal”. Who gets to make the rules of Society? Who gets to say who is right and who is “wrong”. Who gets to say what is and what is not “Appropriate”? I mean, we need to accept people the way they are; who they are. We should not judge someone or something just because we might feel above them or feel like they are “lacking” in something …

    Autism is a Challenge. My Life is A Challenge every day. I have never held a full time place of work. I have tried a lot of places and things but never worked out for very long. I have tried the college route- like maybe 6 or 7 diff schools- but never was able to finish- book work, memorization, regurgitation and not having enough hands on work for me to understand is never going to cut it for me. Plus the social waves never really felt right there. Too many people all they wanted to do was Party and have “fun”. My version of “fun” is not what other people would consider to be fun.

    I get through the days (sometimes I don’t know how), but I do. Nature, Music, Writing, My Mom and Friends and Family are the ones who have helped me get through these years. Without them I would be not be alive right now.
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